Saturday, July 15, 2006

All it takes is one moment...

I know it has been a while since I have written about me and my little man... It is hard to find time to sit and collect my thoughts when I have a little guy always pining for my attention, along with work, house cleaning, and other daily duties. I wanted to collect my thoughts now because I thought it might help me get through what happened yesterday.

Carter has choked one time before today, well, really yesterday because it is 3:30 in the morning here. the other time we were in a restaurant and he choked on a small piece of an oyster cracker. I quickly pulled him out of the high chair layed him across my arm, hit his back and it immediately came flying out. Not this time though. Carter and I were at a friends gym/club sitting around the pool as the babies/toddlers had snack. a friend's baby close in age to Carter was having mini gold fish and offered some to Carter. Carter is a great eater and the fish were small so I thought he would be fine. He ate around 10 of them and then the next one did not go down quite right. He started to choke. I calmly picked him up, layed his body across my arm, just as I was shown to do by an EMT (a friend), and hit his back. Just as I did before. This time it did not work. I hit his back for what to me seemed like eternity but my friends said was only 5-10 seconds at most. I stood up and felt Carter's body go limp. His hands, arms and legs just dropped. I was so incredibly scared and started to run towards the life guards. I was yelling for someone to help me and a kind woman came up, she was an RN. She started to do just as I did and we kept checking him. after a couple hits on the back from her he started to breathe. I have never been more thankful for a blessing in my life. He did not cry, just looked at me with a part confused look. I held him close and thanked the woman. She kept saying she did not do anything, he brought it up all on his own. I still give her all the credit. At that moment Carter had not spit it out so I assumed it went down rather than coming up. I go back to my friends who with the same concern kept asking him if he was ok and keeping a close eye on him while he sat on my lap and snuggled with me. About 5-10 minutes later I gave him a bottle and he seemed to have choked again. I think the gold fish had been stuck there, preventing him to breathe 100reely. After he coughed a couple times, we were in the clear. He was acting normal, laughing a little (he does not laugh too much these days when in unfamiliar surroundings), standing up, playing. So, some time passes and everything starts to hit me. I am now feeling sick to my stomach, shaking and all bad thoughts start running through my mind. What if there is damage, brain damage. I ask my friends how long a baby can go without breathing before there is damage and they both try to reassure me that Carter did not go that long and would be fine. It did not feel like a short amount of time for me, as any parent can imagine. An emergency feels like eternity. They tell me to call the dr. (which I had planned on doing) just to reassure me. As more time goes on the bad thoughts and the realization of what had just happened increases. An hour later we leave. I called the drs office the first chance I got. They were closed but had a number to call for emergencies at the answering service. Well, the way I was feeling at that moment certainly felt like an emergency to me and I knew my dr. would not mind me calling so I did. I explained what happened to the answering service and she told me she would have a dr. call. I was still on my way home so I prayed and chanted that the dr. not call during one of my cell phone's dead spots. I made it home and no call. An hour later after the call to the office the phone rings and it is his Dr. I was very thankful for this because his Dr. is always so understanding and reassuring. I do like the other Dr.s in his office, it is just that his Dr. in my opinion is the greatest. She is a new mom also and her daughter is a few months older than Carter. I explained what happened and she asked a few questions and said he would be fine. She reassured me there would be no damage both to his body and brain. She understood why I was so scared and told me if I were still concerned or wanted him seen on Saturday she would be in the office and would gladly check him out for me to put my mind at ease.

Here it is now almost 4 in the morning and I am up, can't sleep. I know I should not dwell on what could have happened but it is hard not to think of it. This day has changed my life forever. It just takes one moment to lose everything that is most important to us. In the past we have never left a room if Carter has had food. I can gaurantee we will never do it in the future either. When a child chokes it is silent. You could hear nothing and assume everything is okay. They do not know to bang on something to draw attention to themselves. It will be a while I think before I can come to trust Carter with anything besides puffs handed to him one at a time.